Windows of the Soul.

A photograph of someone in the family. Or a friend. Then you notice their eyes. And their eyes tell a deep, deep story. They show something that you can’t see in the facial expression. Or the body’s stance.

And I reflect. I think of media and explosion. You type and think the world is listening. Naive and self obsessive. If you are a simple ‘type and publish’ person without the seeking of self promotion? You reach a few family and friends. They matter. They always matter. But….Concept of the internet. You type and imagine a process that people can interact. But. I know my family/friends are picking up. But they respond as they feel how. In reality? I write to cleanse my own thought processes. Not to actually, in reality, share. I don’t want to be a wannabe global social media click bait. I want to share thoughts with my close family and friends. But sometimes a thought, expression or idea enters your mind that extends out of the intimate. You feel that an experience that may also affect the ‘wider audience’ may give an opportunity to others to self reflection. For example: from my written Facebook inclusions….and there are so many more! The following recent examples:

I wrote a song lyric way back when in the 1970s. It said ”We smash the clock faces. And turn them all back. Try to wipe out all traces. But Tick Tock……the clocks keep ticking”. Strange…..Just watching Ash versus the Evil Dead and a t-shirt read “F**k the clocks”. Went straight back to my song and thought of the context as to why I’d written those lyrics. Gotta agree. Time? It’s all in the mind….full……ness.

OR as of today……..

Over a few years I’ve read many ‘The New Yorker’ articles. I’ve just subscribed for their magazine ‘actually in my hands‘ with unlimited internet access option. A very interesting read from the New Yorker came up on my search for bohemian lifestyle in a VeeDub bus. I was thinking of looking at photography or bohemian retro clothing/artefacts memorabilia business thoughts. Then this came up. Was very interested. It almost, and I use the term ‘almost’ loosely, has a Vision Quest quality to this article. Vision Quest is something I’ve read about for the last 20 odd years. A process of spiritual findings of what lay deep within ‘Self’ imagery.

I’m very proud of my wife. Why? My wife, the very lovely Angie, is a Director, started and owns Dyfi Wholefoods as a Machynlleth business and her contribution to local ethics is an amazing endeavour and success. She has gone about this in a measured, focused and hard work/committed way. It has taken it out of her with tiredness and endeavour. But….she loves her job! She has simply found an important quality to life that drives her ambitions. It also assists our family too. Our 2 children and their extended families have also benefited from the successful process of Dyfi Wholefoods.

Some might say that my career as a nurse is equally admirable. But……..whilst I agree that nursing is great, it really destroys my health and well-being. This is the only job choice I have ever had that has affected me mentally. To the point of ‘I don’t actually know what to do to feel sanity again’. So? My thirst for change is 24/7 in my mind. I’m hunting. And finally I may be getting a glimpse of what could potentially lie ahead. This VeeDub Bohemian lifestyle of seeking life’s experiences and exchanges with human beings and nature’s offerings with a Moleskine diary/journal full of one year reflections. Songwriting and iPad recording results, cooking, photography, sculpture work, art, aromatherapy synergy mixtures and the journal diary catalogue of all the wonderful journey. Maybe I’m ready to start my life’s experiences and marry them all into one big finale.

OK. Not considered Facebook to WordPress blog inclusions. But I’ve written loads of this stuff. And sometimes you wonder if a few of your written words hit home to people and assist healing processes. Or….maybe they view and think…..Full of S**T. Don’t care about the FOS response. But do care about the healing process possibilities. I tap into loads to help my own self seek healing. And it can range from a few short appropriate self reflecting words to a simple cooking recipe or a black and white photograph. I kid you not. Anything that helps moment to moment to escape the turmoil of impending insanity. The day’s end is a welcome affair. Waking in the morning is a quagmire of initial thoughts that eventually settle down. Leave you with a bad taste in your mouth as the day progresses. They include negativity, positivity, wished for outcomes and……’do I actually really want to carry on with this life?’ thought processes.

And then I look into the ongoing story. The challenge of a photograph. A grandchild who looks directly at you from that photograph. With intensity and insight. This happens and you smile because they are just starting their life. And yet they can shock you with eyes that already show wisdom and understanding. These images alongside others. In fact…images of all my family which includes a Wife, children, grandchildren and a host of others. The ongoing story? Others. The most important part of anyone’s existence. OTHERS! For the sake of self obsession! STOP self analysis. Difficult in it’s turmoil of ‘I don’t know where I can go from this!’ situation. Difficult….I know! But…..There is more to life. And others tell their own important stories. And in their own personal way. So maybe the Full of S**T response is valid. Stop self projecting. In those eyes of an an innocent? They enquire. They judge. They say….’I’d like you, very much, to stick around so I get to know you, and, ultimately, you know me’ The eyes have it! Windows of the soul.

Above photograph from:


  1. I think I’m lucky: my thoughts are very simple. I wish I were healthier than I am, which would allow me to do things I really enjoy but no longer can do. I write for myself, when I feel like it, but am grateful if someone finds it interesting. I despair at the world we are leaving to today’s children and as I cannot do anything about it I gave up listening to/watching/reading news a year or so ago. At home we laugh a lot and I don’t want anything more than that. As I said, my thoughts are simple, I’m lucky.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Roger. I read your posts when I can catch up with WordPress and find them a breath of fresh air. I see others’ messages to your posts and understand their sincerity in replies. Your travels, poetry, stories and cooking/recipe inclusions are wonderfully done and having read one of your contributions, I find myself reflecting on it during times in the day. I realise Lofty and the photography aren’t as prolific as you can probably wish for…..or maybe they are achievements that are sitting their, very comfortably, in your thoughts as fond memories. Or maybe you are picking up the camera and sitting behind the wheel from time to time.

      It’s a strange life and getting close to retirement for myself (3 years) has got my own reflective hat-on working overtime. I want simplicity and, yes, laughter. Day to day in the present? Being a Staff Nurse brings this curious phenomenon to my life where I am not coping mentally, physically and impacts on well-being. Not just myself, but my Nurse colleagues echo my status. Your own health? I chat to patients who can reflect on their life’s experiences. Happiness and regrets go hand in hand. The biggest sadness I see does not come in any one particular area. But profound Dementia (in it’s multiple individual forms) is the one that truly breaks my heart.

      All the best Roger. I’ve been to Halifax and surrounding towns about 8 times over the last year. My wife’s former business colleague has opened a Vegan shop in the Piece Halls. We have actually ran it for her over a 10 day period so she could have a much needed holiday. Wonderful people in Yorkshire.


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