Short Blog……thinking in the ‘now at this beautiful happy in retirement moment’ or ‘oh dear…..my questions are still which aims to achieve?’ and like Alice in Wonderland, everything is getting Curiouser and Curiouser. I now have a comfortable, yet still very much reflective, infancy of new found life.
So…….I’ll leave it in the hands of the hoped for future.
Ah, but future is not your decision to make actually, because the future has a tendency to make up it’s own rules. Therefore, possibly or hopefully, the future may say to me ‘I’ll let you forge ahead with glorious exuberance’ or a ‘I’ll let you struggle still to find the answers, make you investigate in order to learn even more in order to be more aware’ or it will finally have sympathy and just leave me alone, let me simply ‘Be’ and experience calmer times. In other words, new retirement aims will be a breeze and my plans will be realised as an ‘it’ll be all okay!’ You know. Sometimes it is enough to simply, as William Blake wrote, “Hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour”. Or….no longer keep on keeping on. But simply smile and welcome moment by moment with no expectations.
So……considering my previous job? Was training ‘hard upon hard’ in order to become a Staff Nurse the right career choice for my long term well being? Deliberating with my conscience and reflections now! Decision please. Come on…….Decision! Hey….Waiting……please……Decide! Go on…Jump into the fire and make…..that……decision. Yes or No? Was it all worth it? Or. A waste of time? Oh No!! Are you still deliberating? When you actually know the answer!
It was very disorientating…….whilst educational. Provided both amazing and debilitating unlooked for and looked for experiences. Taught me a few valuable insights regarding life whilst giving me uncertainty of what life is about. It made me realise my weaknesses and strengths. It made me both a better and a worse human being. In other words? It blew both hot and cold. And it both freaked me out that I knew nothing and in doing made me re-evaluate everything.
This blog? It is all in ‘The Title’. You all have a life changing question I’m sure. The perfect decision to a question you’ve been asking yourself? Not easy is it? That question of simplicity or magnitude? It’s popped into your head at some point along your life’s axis. Maybe you have spent seconds to minutes to hours to days to months to years to…….even your whole lifetime deliberating the answer. So? When do you think you are ready to deliver? Will it heal your soul? Or leave you deliberating?
And so the story goes. To where? No one knows……………