Genetics. Passing on the Naughtiness gene.

Reflecting on some of the last year.

My year was all work and no play it seemed. Well…apart from a 2 week holiday in Cala D’or which blew the cobwebs away mightily. So! Before myself and Angie begin to conquer 2020 and the ensuing years and seek a more Mindful and stress free decade ahead? Angie will try not to work very long hours. These can become some weeks of up to 60 hours plus. Whilst I? I will try to get shift patterns that are not 5 long 13 hour days in 7 days. Actually! From tomorrow that is EXACTLY my shift pattern. Thursday, Friday, Sunday, Monday and Wednesday. Yay!

So my memory will be for November…….? And every November for years before for my Daughter’s daily dinosaur naughtiness (Dinovember) that hopefully hasn’t scarred the grandchildren for life.

My daughter has a ritual called ‘Dinovember’. It’s been going on for a few years now. The grandkids dinosaurs do a full on Toy Story and get up to no good every day in November.

Now! Here’s the thing. I blame my childrens’ Mum (my wife) who has what is known as the Naughtiness gene. Puts a white cotton sheet over her and waits till you come down the stairs and shouts ‘Boo!. That sort of thing. It’s a surprise our two children didn’t grow up twitching. I would never do these tricks. I would simply explain things in story fashion. I may tell my grandkids that ‘Hey yeah! Santa Claus is real. He just sometimes looks like Daddy dressed in a cheap Santa outfit from B and M’. Or ‘Don’t go near the open fire. A witch lives up the chimney and she loves eating children’s fingertips’. You know….subtle stuff. Not jump out scary stuff.

My Dad. He’d bend a 6 inch nail, wrap it around his middle finger so it looked like it had gone through it, paint deep red paint over his hand and actually run into the room screaming, with a pair of pliers in his hand, shouting for one of us to pull the nail out. Maybe the Naughtiness gene skips a generation. I would never do that to my two children when they were growing up! When I was a kid and had been fishing with my Dad and Brother, I was eating the Mr. Whippy ice cream post fishing and came across a maggot in the beautiful tasting treat. As a Nurse I still can’t treat patients’ leg ulcers with maggot therapy. Too, too traumatised. I turn my head when picking up the box of said larvae on delivery from pharmacy and hand them to a more willing Nurse. I’ve even been known to be blackmailed and hand over a £5 note or clean out bedpans for the day swapping our roles. Fishing maggot and ice cream? Still not sure who put it there. Dad….or…..Brother? So maybe the gene is a crosses to other members of the family gene! Who knows?

When my grand daughter visited us in Wales one November, I had to keep up tradition for the weekend stay. I put the dinosaurs on a train on a train track with the Pontipine family from CBeebies tied to the track. I YouTube’d the song ‘The runaway train came down the track and she blew’ playing when she came down the stairs all sleepy eyed in the morning. She wasn’t sleepy eyed for long. And turned the Dinosaurs into the madding crowd of Romans whilst the lovely collection of my brother’s frogs were in the arena being gladiators having to fight to the death. Not harmful at all! My grand daughter hadn’t got the imagination to see what was the full story of death and destruction. You see…….I’m nice.

But……brushing dinosaurs backsides with toothbrushes? Don’t leave much to the imagination does it?

Anyways. I try to smooth out the possibilities of psychological damage to my Grandkids by replying to my daughter’s Facebook uploads with helpful advice for them. Smooth the waters. The most recent one is the Dinosaurs using the kids toothbrushes to clean Dino poop holes. Terrible stuff! I’ve cut and paste by Facebook advice underneath these 3 photographs of Dinosaurs actually cleaning each others’ poop holes. And using toothpaste? Sudocrem or Marigold cream please. And, talking of Marigolds. A pair of blue latex free rubber gloves would be helpful for infection control. Non touch asceptic technique anyone?

So how did I try to smooth the waters? My reply.

For the vast majority of dinosaurs, a soft-bristled toothbrush will be the most comfortable and safest choice. Depending on how vigorously dinosaurs brush their poop hole and the strength of the elasticity of the ring, medium- and hard-bristled brushes could actually damage the area surrounding the said poop hole, ring surface, and, please no, but if they went inside the poop hole, protective inner simple columnar epithelium or stratified squamous epithelium tissue. And remember. You can buy very high quality electric toothbrushes for dinosaurs that get to those hard to reach places. This way you avoid Dino haemorrhoids. Don’t want them bleeding into your toy box over the sparkly unicorns, my little ponies, expensive LOL dolls and Disney Frozen characters do you?

Found the following on Google so the kids can use their brushes again.

Step 1: Clear Out the brush. So….clear as much as you can of the slimy Poop with your little finger. Use a comb to clean excess hard to get at lumpy bits in the poop and the clinging food bits, (rabbit bones I suppose) from the bristles of the brush. …

Step 2: Wash the Brush. Run the brush under running warm water, or swish it around in a shallow bowl filled with lemonade, Will’s Doombar beer and tonic water (best bit of news is no Gin involved) and bicarbonate of soda all mixed together…’ll probably take 3 hours of swishing. But hey! You need to exercise when you’re growing up. Good for your future health.

Step 3: Dry. Lay the brush, bristles down, on a towel to dry. If you use these techniques your fine to reuse your toothbrushes. But you need a pot of antibiotics in case you get Stapholosaurus rexicoccus bacteria with ensuing Dinobellyacheus vomiting and diarrhoea. Not nice.

You see…….I’m a kind and thoughtful grandparent.

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