LONG BLOG. IF YOU NEED A CUP OF TEA/COFFEE OR THE TOILET……LEAVE NOW.

FRAIL AUTUMN (Project or Band Name):

THE BEGINNING.

A CALL VIA MESSENGER BY FACEBOOK.

A call from the guy that played guitar in the 3 piece band I was part of back in the 1970s. The XCerts. My experience in this endeavour was not simple band part either. 2/3 of the band was my brother, Kev, and myself. The 3rd member was the guy on the end of Messenger call. Living in Spain now. He says:

‘Hey Gray. We’ve been asked to get the XCerts back together to play a one off festival spot. Do you fancy it?’ I was a retired nurse. Music? Listened to, played acoustic for fun and serious commitment left decades ago.

As some of my beautiful blogging friends here know, Kev (Zero Summers), was my musician brother who died at 21 years old. A brilliant drummer. A vital part of The XCert’ sound. So no original XCerts were possible. The guitarist says ‘It’s been sorted’. Paraphrasing here. Another brilliant drummer, John, who I played alongside in a band called Team 23, was up for completing a new XCerts’ trio. So, when the guitarist said this, I was really up for it. So said…….

‘Of course…..Yes!’ But I had no relevant equipment.

Subsequently. After much expense of buying a Fender Jazz Bass guitar, a combination amp called a Fender Rumble and numerous other bits and bobs to look as confident as I could. I fell into playing bass again and after half a year and learning all the old songs, I began to feel competent again. At 67 years old, I couldn’t sing my written lyrics again about the subjects I wrote back then. Nor hit the notes with my once stronger voice box capabilities…..nor rehash the youthful punk vibe from back then. I am not a ‘grab back at youth’ type person. I love my current skin. It has life experience written in every learned and earned physical age line. So I had to really analyse the songs, lyrics and et al. surrounding the situation. You can’t sing and commit to a youthful view point. At 67? That is just weird country.

To be fair, I was grateful to my past experiences and involvement to the whole vibe of early pub gigs doing covers, the freedom of punk to write a whole gig set of self written songs, new age to dress in a better fashion for my sartorial comforts and the vibe of the wonder and emotional values of soul music in all its beautiful emotional values.

The three bands? Soft Ground, The XCerts and Team 23. Glorious to have been a part of all of them. Simply for both the camaraderie of fellow enthusiasts and also to what it all gave to life’s learning. Not forgetting it is a lovely conversation introduction to start on a flagging exchange of chit chat at party’s. But, despite all of this……I could never ever be bothered about a return to seek past non-glories. Been there, done it. Yes, I do own the TShirt that says on the front ‘Success? Loved the idea of it. But it didn’t love me’. But that is a misnomer.

Success is a very one sided viewpoint. Too complex to discuss here. Enough to say that ‘Success is attributed to positivity’. In any small self contributed degree. Always borne from the results of life and what it gives. Life is beneficial when you hang your hat on the hoped for true memories. Aphantasia doesn’t allow my having a visual connection to my past. Hence the phrase ‘hoped for true memories’. Memories good and bad. They give strength. All strength is developed from life’s self stories. No other person truly contributes. They do try. Admirable and welcomed. However. You are your own story. One sided. You are you and you understand….you. Be confident in ‘You’. You? Matter so much.

Back to this music malarkey. I love and loved being a musician. So, so much that a guitar was always in the house. My beautiful Italian made Eko Ranger acoustic I bought at 17 years old. I wrote this ‘Old Man’ song below on it. And subsequent others. Song subjects are many. A crisis, a wonderful success, a simple or complicated story, an emotionally related negative or positive, putting a stamp on what actually day to day matters in one’s life, or a prophetic future or known past enquiry. A self written song cements whatever the occasion and never lets you down.

So, after agreeing with the XCerts project, after the luck thrown at me by angels, I had my beautiful bass guitar back in my life. Long story….already a long blog so far. So…Heave a sigh of relief. I won’t expand. Subsequent bass guitar ownership? For a few months it was glorious. A new motivation and, as a recently retired nurse, something to keep my mind active. I began writing songs in earnest. Everything felt beautiful to be honest. And then……crash. No guitarist. No drummer. Not their fault at all. Older guys like us have commitments. So I understood their needs to focus on more important issues in their lives. I was a nurse. I actually understand what ‘triage’ is all about. A one off gig versus life and commitments required? Life wins every time.

But, in that moment, reality hit hard. I live in a rural aspect and finding musicians that can commit? Needles in haystacks.

My wife, a wonderful support, was 100%……well….supportive. My brother, a guitarist, too. He was going to join the XCerts on stage at said gig to add wonderful additional musical noise to enhance the live gig impact. So there he was waiting in the wings so to speak. He says, after the collapse of aims…., ‘Why not record the songs anyway?’

I began looking at equipment for song recording. On enquiry for hiring a studio at £200 a day? I could in no way do that as a retired pensioner. So, after weeks of searching last April? Here I am currently. TECHNOPHOBE. There I spelled it out. Actually a lifelong TECHNOPHOBE. So went in with a huge gulp, a huge monetary home recording equipment buying commitment and a promise to myself to make stuff happen. I convince myself to set up a daily Mantra. ‘Summers! You can do this’.

Well actually, I had many words with myself over the months since last April. ‘Fool on a false hill, barking up the ‘Once Was’ tree, aren’t you too tired old man, out of your depth aren’t ya!. etc…..

But in reality? Music in itself is a very beautiful entity. It has resonance that can blow you away. Knocks you sideways with one simple playing of an E chord. That E chord that you know gave you your rock and roll beginnings. You owe your past existence and experiences to the sound of six strings playing E. Yes E can mean ecstasy in this musical case. Actually it was B flat that started this new journey…..joking. It was A sharp.

So, ‘What you rambling’ on about Gray’ you may say. Rambling on about recent smiles and chuckles. Basically, it feels great doing this music vibe. As said, music matters, heals and is great for the soul. If you can dance amongst its tunes and learn a thing or two. Then waltz with it forever and a day? Yes, certainly. It’ll always have your best interests at its heart.

Currently I am at a crossroads. Choice? The west, the east, the road once trodden to get here, or the north? North to new adventures. Obviously. Well…….aren’t I already half way there? The last 6 months have been South to North brutal yet brilliant experiences. Alone…yes. However. Even though ‘Flying Solo’ may not be my most wanted scenario (I actually love collaboration values) it was/still is, enlightening. Self introspection? Sharing your own thoughts, about your own past complexity of experiences, with yourself. Weird.

But real and touchable living in a Wales rural domain has in reality, not allowed a full on satisfaction guarantee. Living in an isolated situation. Akin to the unnamed ‘Tea Shack Woman’ who lives within David Mitchell’s wonderful book ‘Ghostwritten’. She literally talks to a tree overlooking her shack. Strange? No….writings from an absolute genius author who leads you to future explanations to who that tree actually was in subsequent books. He definitely is the best current author on this planet. I wait, drooling, for his next book. A talking Tree? Well actually, I am surrounded by trees…….just saying! Reality. I still talk to trees.

Long post with too many words. Maybe I am the only one who will read this. But it’s like any of my past journal entries. Good for one’s own soul reflection. Or. In a years time I will read this and tell myself ‘Hey Summers! Was that one too many bourbons?’

Yup!

It’s the songs that provide the story to ongoing ambitions of keeping the mind alive. Both good and bad presentations.

Or ..Perfect complexion versus Warts and all.

If you got this far? You deserve a medal.