#Frail Autumn,, #Health Matters, #Lyrics, #music, #songwriting

Reflecting more deeply.

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Three generations of gloriously strong girls.

I am away visiting family at the moment. Sitting and chatting about our collective life’s past family history. They listened to two bits of my developing music journey of a song this afternoon. I winced at the naive beginnings sung with acoustic guitar. For once, I felt as if the song should have been okay from the word go. Strange. After 50 plus years of guitar playing and singing my tunes warts and all to others? I felt ‘Er! Why do I think it is so bad? Because others were listening?’ I think of my songwriting as a holistic journey. They hear once and have not got the intended finality of a finished song.

Subsequent thoughts on my own listening to the songwriting stages always shift to ‘Oh! Okay. It was never there at that moment…but progress was on the cards’. Despite the roughness, I usually smile.

To be fair, I have given you my most vulnerable bits to the song journeys in the past. Every time I do? I feel the presentations will never produce a ‘Hey Gray. That’s crazy raw and actually sounds crap’. No one does because WP is full of supportive people. You have here the gentle and amazing few, who read each others’ blogs, and are kind and supportive. I have always known that a warts and all journey exists to Summers’ life. It is why I present it as a ‘This is how dot. dot. dot….works for myself and my life/music so far existence’.

Tentative start #1 sung into the iPad.

Each experience during our own individual life’s journey, and its learnings, is an essential and important requirement. Over years to decades, life involves sorting through the subconscious and conscious emotional battles and seeking answers to it all. Whether it’s the simplicity of completing a song, a struggle in writing with a misbehaving fountain pen or those difficult and harsher lived realities, for example, of losing someone close to you.

At times, we do not actually see or realise we have our own beautiful collective life’s wood, because we just focus on the individual trees that surround us. And usually get overwhelmed with the bad trees that were present. Once having been seen in the darker parts of your wood…..they are never truly forgotten. However. We sometimes forget and miss ‘that which we have already experienced because it’s happened before’. Those obvious previous times that eventually produce enlightened pathways. Much exists in numerous life’s thrown at you varieties. You can block them out. Or accept them. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy comes to mind. (ACTivate your life is a theme under the umbrella term of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)

Below. Going backwards in another tentative start #2.

On listening to this particular recent raw to a more improved song, I just shrugged shoulders at the opposite factors. It’s always okay to present the inherent fractious and vulnerable because it is showing the honesty of reality.

We, I assume, find that the past, present and the future are so mind-bogglingly different in values that, once having lived and having got the good/bad T-shirts, they leave you in the perfect place to move onwards with purpose and drop the fails by the wayside. The found answers in struggling for better outcomes lead to where we can say ‘Me, Myself?… I am stronger’. To know and understand life and all its fragile or stronger filled moments gives comfort. By focussing positively, you become aware there will be either new found wins or throw away ‘at least I tried or got through it’ moments.

Below. The song so far on the Apple Mac GarageBand recording. Of course it has to have this moving on with writing more lyrics and getting real musicians playing the song.

I played the Guild D25 Cherry dreadnought acoustic guitar into a Shure MV5 microphone. Two 6 string electric guitars which were my Hohner L75 Les Paul and the Falcon Tanglewood Stratocaster. All 3 guitars built in the 1970s. The keyboard sounds were by using an Akai Professional MIDI keyboard. The GarageBand app was used.

How many years did it take

To find your dream?

Crawling on your hands and knees,

Crazy days……indeed.

The memories, oh the memories

Are not what they seemed.

They were flowers on flowers on flowers

Blooming inside your mind.

Imagination, throws it’s spell over you

Soul’s Vibration finds

You’re not an empty room.

You can kiss goodbye or say hello again to past fragilities that may come knocking again. You have lived and can understand the bitter/sweet complexity that exists in your own state of mind through having seen both sides to your own personal life’s coin. And, having had the experiences, you can exchange with people you trust. Be open and honest by airing both your totalities of self weaknesses or fabulous strengths. Visiting family and chatting is always an openly honest positive experience. Hence why this blog theme is being written.

I was 68 years old 11 days ago. And as you are wont to do on birthdays, you both reflect on years lived and and then envisage years left. Decades of history and reflection. Not so many years left ahead is reality. You hunker down into life’s balance. Where you are now and what you hope for ahead. The dream of hoped for vibes become more settled in the mind. No unsettling in reality because you understand that showing the weaknesses of experience and expectations was your greatest strength all along.

As my blog Mantra says.

‘And so the story goes.

To where?

No one knows.

Borne from self promises.

Not worn out wishes’.

(I wrote the tune/melody to this little thought a fair few years ago).

Anyways…….Summarise Summers!

I suppose life becomes a Vision Quest scenario to how personal self journeys actually get to points with the penny dropping. There may never be a desired finished result. Or, the opposite happens and you achieve a glorious outcome. But, in advancing years, it seems you become more confident that you are on the road to ‘Yup…going in the right direction’. The pathway ahead seems a bit brighter now. Isn’t that the place that we all seek and want to be be? That little sunlit patch, which you break into from the claustrophobic journey through dense forestry traversed which suddenly comes to an end to leave you alone in a shiny oasis. Your wood gives you a gift in providing a small meadow of sunlit drenched beauty that allows you to collapse into the softness of grass and flowers. ‘Go on…..it’s yours’ it says.

28 thoughts on “Reflecting more deeply.”

    1. Thank you. It’s really good to know you too cookie. To have your music to listen to, the poetic lyrics to give rich insightful stories and to admire your strengths in chasing dreams to create your own sunlit patches too. Looking forward to that new song you have created. All the best cookie.

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  2. Okay, Summarise Summers! Ha! Brilliant (as usual, Gray). I really enjoy your writing when you get into this introspective/retrospective mood. You have lived an amazing life! And yes, full of experiences, joy, and pain. But your beautiful bride and VeeDub keep you grounded. Oh, and grandchildren enrich, music or no. But yes, the music! Vision Quest for sure striving to put your words and self out there in the songs.
    I liked #1 the best. No idea why, maybe I simply focus on your voice and lyrics.

    Oh, I looked in my MacBook for GB and remembered I uninstalled it not long after I bought the laptop. But I will check it out soon on Richard’s MacBook. It’s newer anyway.

    Happy belated birthday, Gray! You have a lot more to be, do, and have. Peace.

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    1. Cheers Sheila. Life has been one of seeking. Rather like yourself. You are a definite seeker. It’s what comes at you that determines positive or negative experiences to learning. When you are in periods where what you do can both enhance or totally disrupt your life. Nursing maybe! Or you are enjoying what you are doing so much and suddenly an outside energy or occurrence, having nothing to do with your drive and subject enjoyment, comes along to interfere and catastrophically break down your focus, and you have to drop out of your interests. Music maybe!

      Then you come back to certain interests and try again. So, show the warts and all that can simply show how you deal with challenges to get to a higher place.

      GB? You can easily reinstall the App Sheila. The MacBook version is different to the iPad and iPhone version. Some great YouTube explanation videos out there how to bounce between the two. And Apps refresh in the background to keep up to date.

      When you speak of voice and lyrics, this is how I work most times. Play for the melody tune and sing what springs to mind. With nonsense badly sung utterances. Other times write a lyrical story and try to fit a tune around it. Both types can be okay or fail. I like reading Richard’s lyrics and stories on his videos as the song plays. Then your follow up observations of the lyrics too. It enhances the experience.

      Birthdays? I ask my family not to put anything on Facebook on my actual birthday. This time here, I used the fact of 11 days ago to enhance the blog theme. I don’t mind people’s well wishes at all. It’s the FB focus you get on the actual day that is too overwhelming. 😊 Peace to yourself too. And, as I always finished on my old photography site comment replies…….Good Fortune.

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      1. As always, Gray, the depth and richness of your observations and comments amaze me. So true on all points. I am fascinated by your resolve to touch the most important aspects of life, and make us all feel so welcome on your journey. I am nearly out of hard drive space on my little MacBook, but I will take a look at GB on Richard’s soon. I know you would like my techie review of it, but I do think you are grasping it well simply by using it daily and playing with it. Best way to learn many applications I feel. Cheers and yes, Good Fortune to us ALL.

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      2. Not one to hide behind presentations Sheila. Open and honest is the way. It is nice to live life in an open manner when it isn’t showing the FB type of content which is a very different dynamic. Our bloggers’ journeys here on WP are usually informative ones. Almost of Reader’s Digest magazine nature. So more comfortable to sit back and read.

        A full MacBook? You can buy external hard drives Sheila. Some are a box that allows different storage abilities TB insertions. So you buy the box for multiple hard drive insertions and that can be great to build a collection. Fixed drives, once full, means buying another one. Was thinking of Richard’s production volume. Cheers Sheila.

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      3. You’re so right, Gray, that I could buy an external hard drive, but I have issues.
        1. Where to place it; I sit with only the laptop on an organic latex pillow and don’t even use a mouse as there’s no room for it. I could use and tgen stow but then…
        2. I have yet to properly organize the data I have on the MacBook much less organize it once transferred to an external drive.
        3. Cost
        4. We had one die on us and lost everything.
        5. I have several USP thumb drives for specific data folders (which are easier for me to deal with and circles me back to number 1.)
        Oh, listen to me and my excuses. Haha!
        And yes, open and honest is The Way. In ALL ways, Gray.
        I am open to learning though. Even if begrudgingly.

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      4. A good case presented and therefore to avoid then……😊 I have looked at cost too. And yes..very scary. I bought two mixing monitor speakers yesterday for final mixing of the songs. Should arrive tomorrow. Again, spending on essentials, but can’t really truly afford them.

        After much looking I have gone for the PreSonus Eris E4.5, Studio Monitor Speakers, Pair, 4.5 Inch, 2-Way, High-Definition Multimedia. Just copied and pasted this off Amazon description. Easier than trying to remember technical descriptions. YouTube reviews big them up. A bit more expensive than the smaller 3.5. More bass on the 4.5. Also trying to find a decent ‘How to mix’ on GB. I must admit that I get very tired with all this now. Lack of a mind’s eye means the visuals on screen cannot be stored. So will begin to write the processes to mixing each of the songs down. Also, I am no audiophile and have poor response to what I hear. Which is weird. Because I can get up in the morning and hear a very different sound to one of my songs than the previous nighttime listen. Same ear buds.Nuts! 🙄 Cheers Sheila.

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      5. A good case, ah! I did sort of feel I was doing that, Gray. Well, you helped me wrap my mind around why I had not bought an external drive.

        And yes, money has to be a consideration now that I am retired. I would rather spend on the granddaughters, unless we need something to improve our health.

        The two mixing monitor speakers you chose sound good. I hope they are once you receive them and get to use them.

        I don’t think I am an audiophile either. Though I would have to look up the definition to know for sure. I do know what you mean though about hearing songs differently given my mood, time of day, etc. And that is fascinating to ponder. Cheers back to you, Gray.

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    1. 😆 It is crap though Shep. I suppose if you feel comfortable sharing the bad to decent enough process, then others may think, I could do this. Give them a nice shiny car, they never see you drove old bangers with dodgy gears, bodywork and hiccuping engines. Also. Listening back to warblings….I appreciate the better outcomes when I can compare how I developed to the next stage.

      The journey is always beginning Shep. Bought two monitor speakers yesterday for mixing. Arriving tomorrow. Another techno addition to give a headache on the top of the headaches. I have to hold my hands up with this journey though……it isn’t the easiest to be involved in. My pottery days of clay, kilns and selling to survive, sign language learning of a difficult language where you stand in front of a whole lecture hall or class room waving your hands about, nurse medical learning and the workplace impacts, photography camera skills and film and darkroom developing, vegetarian cooking, blog writing, etc….. They have all presented with big or smaller challenges. But this one now is really difficult. I am no audiophile! No ability to hear the little bits that need to be tweaked for getting better results. This one is instinct. Good or bad results and how people perceive you on them ensue from throwing caution to the winds. Gotta try though haven’t ya! I need the physical presence of musical buddies around me now to help. It’s like I have had them in the past and the penny has dropped that it was subsequently a far simpler journey. So it’s brilliant to have you guys on here giving me support. Priceless and much appreciated. Cheers Shep.

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    1. True. A Virgo star sign attached here Shep. Also, my lack of the old mind’s eye does impact on the difficulty to retaining what is visually learned in this one. As you say, I have to sit back and enjoy the music more as it enters my ears. That’s why I love your links to find newly heard songs. 🙏🏽 Shep.

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  5. Happy Belated Birthday, Gray 🎉
    best wishes your way always….
    this one you share has a different tone to it when I read your words somehow… and nicely so too.

    “showing the weaknesses of experience and expectations was your greatest strength all along…” an inspiring thought, Gray.
    your music and words are a comfort and thank you for sharing with us.

    lol, I’ll be back soon 🤞 shuffling time and life and can’t get the clock to stop for a while so just going ahead to this perhaps “my finally found… “🤞😉
    “How many years did it take
    To find your dream?’

    thank you, Gray… deeply appreciated.
    🤍🙏🤗

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    1. Good to hear from you Destiny. Thanks for the birthday wishes. Much appreciated. I do pop into see your site regularly and noticed the last post was a week or so ago. Noticed cookie sent you two separate comment posts. So was a bit concerned. Anyways…..all is okay. Your profession, alongside poetry, alongside life in general must be very active! It’s good to slow down and pace life at times. I guess it is fantastic for well being.

      The lyrics written with ‘How many years did it take……..’ determined the blog theme really. I’m writing a finishing second verse and rethinking chorus lyrics too. So will attempt to add them to this song over the next couple of days. Need your poetic skills to tell this song’s story further Destiny. 😊 All the best. 🙏🏽

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      1. lol, it’s working well for the well being…but I miss writing and being here🤭

        your lyrics and reflections are inspiring…
        in writing and life too lol…
        thank you , Gray and all the best your way too🤍🙏

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      2. Thank you Destiny. Good to hear you are chilled out and experiencing the relaxed state of life. We all regularly dip into the blogs we know and love Destiny. So, it’s good to ignore the influencer bloggers who say you must do this, that or the other with your content in order to keep interest ongoing. That’s a huge ‘Nope!’ from me Destiny. Blogging is about enjoying the experience of writing, but with a balanced view to living a normal life at the same time.

        It’s a once a week or fortnight sabbatical for me to drop down my list of who I’m following to see what they have been uploading. Some have months to years in between uploads. Always nice to read their latest. You actually followed them because you really enjoyed their content. When a blog after weeks, months, years suddenly appears? It’s like an unexpected Christmas gift has just dropped on the doorstep.

        Cheers Destiny and thanks once again for dropping by. 🙏🏽

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  6. I appreciate your vulnerability (partly because I too often wonder if other songwriters/composers go through some of what I experience in the creative process). I do think this proximity to our inner life is what makes our music so relatable. I’ll keep listening…

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    1. Sorry for the late reply Stan. Your comments were in the pending box awaiting approval. I’ve just spotted them. It’s also a good experience to access your site and see and listen to your music. Way back in the 1970s and early 80s it was all go re: music and playing in bands. 1982…I just left it all behind. Kept playing acoustic for pleasure over the decades and writing the odd songs.

      I got a phone call from Spain last Autumn as a promoter wanted The XCerts to get back together and play a spot at a festival. But it fell apart as two members who committed dropped out later as they were too busy. I’d bought a bass and amp. So felt a bit lost. Rural status means not many local musicians. Hence this adventure of home recording. I read on your blog that you yourself had to focus upon getting a quick outcome by recording over ? 48 hours. Very impressed. Nothing like a commitment to get motivated.

      It’s at a stage presently that I want to record my songs just to get some reality that they exist. And because the blog has a few people who read and reply that are musicians, I feel it’s good to share the process. Warts and all. I’m a technophobe. My brother is a great guitarist and will play on these songs when done properly. A drummer I played in a band with in the 1980s is keen to drum to the songs.

      I can see sense in your insights concerning the ‘relatable’ observation. Music overwhelms the senses and is fantastic therapy. And in retirement it is a massive boost to well being.

      Thank you Stan. I shall keep listening to your musical journey too. All the best.

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      2. True. I’ve met a few, over the decades, striving to be perfectionists. A certain band manager we had definitely comes to mind. Musicians are much better when simply going with the flow and enjoying where it takes us. Let the results do their own talking. 😊 Cheers.

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