#Frail Autumn,, #music, #prose, #Retirement Projects, #songwriting, Health Matters

Days to Daze.

31 Comments
DO? Or….DOUBT?
Photo by Gray Summers.

When writing the prose type words below, in about Springtime last year I imagine, there was a contentment involved in seeing the home studio for recording my music plan develop and everything going along nicely. Over the time since this 2025 New Year, and a few months before if being honest, motivation has taken a hammering. Settling back into the ongoing project this year has been a real fight. So much so that the act of intensity for results leaves exhausting consequences. Even last week’s ‘one week’ break in the Yorkshire Dales area hasn’t repaired the broken dullness of recent application with songwriting and music recording. The rationale as to why is simple. Inspiration loss, fear of the sharp learning curve of technology required for recording, inability in older age, overwhelming tiredness since January’s influenza hammering and…….flying solo. Technophobia and lack of skills using certain instruments. Flying solo has been the most intense part since April 2024. Not lonely, but alone. And? Feeling totally out of my depth….

SUMMERS’ INNER SPIRIT HAS TO REFLECT AND FIND A DIFFERENT ENERGY TO RETURN TO THE FEELINGS FELT DESCRIBED WITHIN THE WORDS BELOW……

Today, I feel amazed

That, of all days, today’s

Happenstance

Chained down

Sought Dreams

That could finally begin.

I’m no longer afraid

Because Today seemed to last for

A million years.

Contentment and no fears

It’s now time to live life

Again.

Some days

Seem to find their own perfection.

And then?

Sudden ensuing calmness envelops.

Goodbye to fears

Of failure.

The jigsaw is complete.

Inspiration developed

Amongst the seriousness

Of dedication.

Concentration.

Seeking the inner creation.

Suddenly! Awaken.

Application?

In a single moment

Waves goodbye,

As faerie dusted happenstance

Comes by,

Stops,

And says ‘Hi!’

Lyrics and melody

Finally meet.

No more corrections.

They take each other’s hands

And naturally and simply

Begin to dance.

In that familiar rhythm.

Of twinned perfection.

Complete.

The dream-song has avoided

The bitterness

Of defeat.

Contentment and tears.

………Spill.

31 thoughts on “Days to Daze.”

    1. Cheers Shep. Thanks for this. I guess I have to be more logical and realistic. Unless AI create a hologram assistant to guide you through recording music on this computer technology, it’s gonna be just me. All the best Shep.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    1. Just older and exhausted Sheila. And the frustrations of not being able to focus properly anymore. As you know, I am usually really positive in outlook. And Richard seems that way too. But January’s double vicious bout of flu/Covid variant and other life stresses have knocked the stuffing out of me. I should imagine others, with similar impacts, have experiences that are the reason for providing both psychological and physical motivational ‘crushing’ too. Not just motivation, but just generally feeling bright and alive.

      I can understand why animals hibernate.

      Thank you Sheila.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

      1. Yes, indeed, Gray. We can always learn from the animals. Hibernation is a good way to rest and heal.

        I think we finally reached the point where we don’t feel the need to rush or even accomplish Anything! Ha! But do only when or if we sense a bit of thrill or enjoyment. If not, plop down and simply rest!

        Richard has been watching several of the YouTube videos about AI copyright law and this morning woke up with a thought, that the PROMPT is the human touch (the lawyer had said one couldn’t copyright an AI song unless it had an element of human touch). So, that one thought motivated him to create more. I just hope eventually he sees something from all this songwriting. But I have told him, even simple enjoyment (however much) may be all the ‘acknowledgment or payment’ he will receive—and that’s enough!

        Always hopeful, but we are tired, zapped, frustrated, etc. This has been quite the winter.
        Cheers, Gray!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It only takes the thought that people around the world have opportunity to read or listen to our words or songs here on WP and that if they could maybe be of interest to them or make them feel emotionally, then that is the beneficial reason for carrying on.

        I have been listening to The Dream Academy band this morning (from the 1980s) on YouTube. I have just bought their 7 CD box set of all songs in all formats and trials. They are described as ‘one hit wonders’ by very many sources. And yet their music output is amazing. The reviews on Amazon show a love for the band. That’s what is interesting about all this. Pleasure for just one listener is all it takes really. And of course, writing as self therapy is priceless. Cheers.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. I listened to the YouTube songs uploads after buying it because of the reviews on Amazon and the ‘Life in a Northern Town’ single memory. They are well liked. It’s how I would love my own songs to be written and to sound really. Atmospheric. Acoustic and electric guitar, singular sounding keyboard choices to enhance mood and some subtle orchestral instrumentation.

        Also Swing Out Sister, Nick Heyward, Roddy Frame, Francis Dunnery, Mazzy Star, Frank Turner (especially his ‘Be More Kind’ and ‘Undefeated’ albums) and Cigarettes After Sex (especially their first album….but all three are brilliant) are what I am currently playing for inspiration. Some moody/echo driven, some seventies jazzy/film score/pop vibe alongside good old melodic Rock and roll.

        But ‘Alexa….play cat calming music’ calms me more than Frankie. So I may as well play music I like instead. 😊 Cheers Sheila.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. you don’t need to be a superhero. we feel your sound and your love for music whether it’s high tech or lo-fi. we love what you’re making, and we will patiently wait for more.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

    1. Thank you cookie. You always say the right words. Don’t worry. Decades of life lived experiences on this planet have shown me that there is always another corner ahead to go around and suddenly find a new adventure. Or in this case a new answer to the conundrum of technical weird and the finding of a mystical melody or two.

      Hope you are enjoying finding your own mystical melodies and poetic lyrics. Can’t wait to hear your new music. All the best.

      Liked by 3 people

      Reply

  4. “Not lonely, but alone. And? Feeling totally out of my depth….”
    from them till now (if I may ask…) has this eased even if just a slight bit?

    your poem is a treasure, Gray …and that you thought to find a way to get back there… perhaps halfway there already… 🤞

    🤍

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

    2. Thank you Destiny. I replied to both cookie and Sheila here regarding your kind enquiry. I have just been on a really nice one week break to a place in the Yorkshire Dales here in the UK. So it recharged the batteries a little. You, as a teacher and poet…and more too, know of the intensity of arranging and application to all life’s activities. Being retired has been a different dynamic. The music has been so important. So I suppose frustrations of going about this alone has suddenly brought about a ‘lightbulb moment’. I suddenly see the reality of self limitations.

      But, there are always those next steps to take in getting things back on track. It’s really nice that you like the poem Destiny. I have been enjoying your own work. So thank you too for your poems.

      All the best. 🙏🏽

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

      1. glad the break worked well for you, Gray ….

        not sure why this came to mind … maybe some of your thoughts…maybe some of mine….we tend to forget… there are 7 colours in a rainbow…and settle with just one…when all can be ours…
        lol, I’m not sure how this makes sense to you….but it came suddenly and sort out makes sense to me🥴🙃

        wishing rainbows your way, Gray … and thank you too ..🤍🙏

        Liked by 2 people

      2. It does make sense Destiny. My life’s mantra was to change direction every 10 years. But retain the memory of having experienced such endeavours in those 10 years, give or take a few years over/under. Musician, Potter, Photographer, Sign Language training to work alongside Profoundly Deaf and Hard of Hearing people in education, working alongside People with learning difficulties, the Staff Nurse role. All these for career choices. And so very many hobbies and interests intermingled too within the decades.

        Retirement has brought the dynamic of gardening, DIY on the house in the first two years….and now it’s great to return to songwriting. It is the fact of flying solo and being mostly alone that is difficult. No one to work alongside with the need for understanding this technology.

        With all those decades of experiences, I could dip in and use some of or all of them. But a restful retirement with music is the most important focus currently. Developing, with accepted reality, a decent sound to be happy enough with. It will turn itself around.

        And I will receive your generosity of the sent rainbows with much gratitude. All the best Destiny. 🙏🏽

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Read this a few times, Gray …
        and I think it’s great to reach such a phase in life and look back to see the choices you have given yourself….if need be. very nice actually.

        Thank you, Gray … appreciated.
        All the best to you too…🤍🙏

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Gray, sorry to read about your struggles with motivation. Take time to chill and not be too tough on yourself. Needing to accept the limitations that come with age are unfortunate but im sure if you give yourself some time and compassion, you’ll find your path. I agree, technology and advances can be scary sometimes. Plus, you didn’t mention the cat/kitten, but I’m sure he’s having an impact too; demanding your time and attention so you can’t focus on what you love.

    Hopefully you’ll see the family over Easter and that might help. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thanks for this Brenda. It has been a weird period from last October. Illness was pretty draining in December and January. I know you understand when it actually hits and its impact is flooring. Feeling loads better now.

      Frankie is an amazing kitten/cat. Very large for his age of 8 months and about five and a half kilos. His fur is getting long too. More Maine Coon than Bengal in his cross breed looks. But so needy it never stops. So I find myself regularly, hours at a time, in the garden with him on that 50 lead. He’s so active he tangles up regularly in the trees, chairs, tables, fences, compost area, etc. and it’s a constant untangling exercise. Indoors he wants constant interaction too. So you’re spot on Brenda…..he does have an impact on time with needing so much attention. But we did have a week in Yorkshire last week which was amazing.

      Getting older is really telling. Next year is 70 years on this planet. Luckily, the genetics are in my favour. But at times, yes, slowing down the efforts and being more chilled is great advice Brenda. Hope you are keeping well yourself. Raining again here in Wales. Hope it’s still sunny up north. Glorious sunshine in Yorkshire last week. Easter is really busy for Angie in the shop. It’s a real success still. 13th birthday since opening recently. So that’s fantastic for her. So we won’t have visitors.

      Sorry for the long reply. All the best.

      Like

      Reply

  6. It really is amazing (in a bad way) just how much of an impact illness can have. The flu at the beginning of the year was really bad and takes a long time to recover – I was about 5-6 weeks. You do need to give yourself time to recover and recharge. It was realising I was struggling with energy and feeling tired/exhausted all the time that ‘forced’ me to put a p ause on the blogging. Regrettably it has been longer than expected, but working on my return now. I’ve really been able to recharge over the holiday and am now working on a plan to return to blogging mid-May.

    We had some wonderful weather here last week and I’ve been out exploring. However, the rain is back here too now.

    Congratulations to Angie for her 13th Anniversary with the shop. No signs of her retiring then 🙃. Enjoy your weekend

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I’m pleased that you have recovered now. These viruses are confusing as to impact. And to variant source. I caught it twice in January. A week apart. So can understand your own symptoms well. So well done to be back on the mend. Albeit longer than expected. And especially braving the outside explorations. Great therapy. I still find breathlessness an issue on exertion. Those Yorkshire steep pathways challenged a fair bit.

      I did see the west was worse for rain’s return. Windy too. It has been nice getting the garden tidy again in dry weather.

      It would be good to see your blogs return. Always an interesting read. I find that the core collective of followers and those I follow in return are always checked on down the Readers list to see if an update of new blog is there. A few dozen especially checked.

      Angie’s shop is actually a really great addition in the town for both locals and visitors. There are some really nice artisan shops developing around the town high street now too. I spoke to a few shopkeepers in Yorkshire who spoke highly of Machynlleth and the vibe of the town when they visit. In May, the comedy festival is back. A huge success with top comedians attending. Not as huge as the Edinburgh festival. But certainly drawing more and more people to attend. The town gets packed. And Angie retiring? She is getting extremely tired with the busy nature of the shop and the long hours. But still loves it all. She, and Jon her business partner, have 10 staff now. Some more part time than others. All very pleasant and helpful.

      Cheers Brenda.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    1. It needs a few in on a daily basis. Lots of different roles. Packing, shelf filling, checking sell by dates, deliveries every day to sort out, serving on the till, etc. The regular ones who are more full time have been long standing and others who prefer the part time roles are more transient. They support too if anyone is on holiday or ill. Great team. Cheers Brenda.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      4. Consistency is important. On the wards we had different teams on many shifts. Different dynamics which would bring easier shifts than others. Everyone very professional, but character and personality synergy would mean you enjoyed the way certain shifts flowed.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a comment