We are our own worst critics at times aren’t we. Or, actually, sometimes we do not criticise ourselves, but challenge the journey we have taken so far. The journey can be a project, educational learning, our career choices, or simply what we do in our day to day routines. Hunker down at home as an introvert of hermit. Or feel continually bored and go out into the world looking for something that is new in providing interesting or exciting themes.

I don’t know how other individuals feel about what they produce in any of the ‘art forms’ that they are presenting. But I should imagine that they are on that journey of ever searching. Being happy with what you capture at that one self given eureka specific moment is fantastic. But you find yourself feeling, ‘What’s next?’.

Tonight. After mixing and trying to improve a piece of the Cloud 9 instrumental tune to future use for the various filmed related Musak vibe inclusions, for various themed subjects in future videos, I began thinking ‘What do I need to achieve here? Consistency….a happy place that nurtures well being on listening’. There are twelve different instrumental music tracks. This collective of interactive instruments provide varying dynamic levels that, volume wise in introducing themselves, need each to become bravado for a while, and then fall back gently to allow others to arrive and shine for a while. If one crashes the party and sticks out like a sore thumb? You tweak. Is that a dance? Or is it twerk? Anyways. It got complicated to say the least. The complication arrives from two reasons. The Summers’ lack of technical abilities to tweak, not twerk, the GarageBand editing and volume levels in order to arrive at a lovely music balance and hear it evolve into a perfect synergy. And, secondly, my interpretation of what it ought to sound like, as it does in my mind, with frustrations that it isn’t being realised.

Eureka moments? It was not found tonight. But in artistic pursuit, it isn’t always a lived phenomena of seek and you will find it seems. Perceived failures do exist and it’s knowing when to say, ‘That actually is okay. I’m happy with it’. We imagine the next step to perceived improvement becomes a positive forward one. One that takes us to a place called Nirvana. Eureka is always present in those small achievements. Eureka, in these forms, will not change the world.

Our eureka moment achieved will be historically captured and self remembered for all time by being ‘that was our to be treasured moment’. Captured either by pen and paper, canvas, sculpture, musical vinyl, tape, CD, MP3 to streaming internet platforms, filmed movie, and et al. Eureka will be enough if it is only ours alone. Or, if lucky, for others to adopt too. Attempts in creating art forms, that go on to disappear into nothingness, is easily accepted too. Because the satisfaction of being involved in producing a few moments in time can provide a significance of impact on just yourself. Even one significant other, a half dozen significant others or the whole world of significant others. It is a weird conundrum that you, without realising, subconsciously analyse. Artistic individuals seem to be seeking different levels of capturing new ideas in order to satisfy our own hearts, or a hoped desire that others receive what we do and find recognised affinity and adopt the offerings we give. Or consciously or unconsciously gift.

I listen to my first recordings on the GarageBand platform and they sound so basic and naive. No dynamics at all. But when I actually sit back and listen, I realise they have some sort of ‘inherent charm about them’. I have to remember that at the time, I was satisfied with achieving small something’s. You capture, sit back and relax. Not eureka. But a warmth of ‘thank you’ to whatever exists and a small period of smiling because ‘You actually did it’. Then! Niggling thoughts invade the mind. ‘Is this it? No, it needs more’. This is your mind’s learnt history of the outside influential world coming back and challenging you. ‘Do better. Others will be listening to these songs’ it says whilst wagging its finger at you.

I can see, when truly believing in myself, what this all means. As Jonny Mozza says on his YouTube videos, ‘Just do it. No one will probably listen anyway’. Paraphrasing him, but inherently the message. I should dump my chattering mind of doubts and embrace my inner soul wholeheartedly. Essence. A beautiful inherent base that is always your true soul. No matter how you present it to externals. Believe in the essence of who you are in the most basic form. Because it can naively show itself and still shine.

And yet, persistently, my stupidity of a conscience still screams at me in these times. Mind is conscience. Mind has its own little games it plays with you. It says that essence isn’t something to be complacent about. There are better achievements. Sometimes it is easy to bat a Mind argument away. Place it in a paper boat, push it out to sea and pray that it’s the type of paper that is porous and will eventually soak up enough sea water to finally sink.

I used audio bars here because you only put one singular version on YouTube (below) and a fifth earlier version is already there. If you did manage to listen to bits of each slightly different version here on WP? I sincerely hope the four Mr. Cloud Muzak ditties didn’t result in a musical ear-worm that has invaded and annoyingly impacted part of your day.