#meanderings, #prose

Aphantasia and Dreams.

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Aphantasia. No dream catalogue. Only a fleeting story experienced, but not remembered. Never remembered.

Last night’s dream was in black and white. About what subject? No memory of it actually. I knew it contained a person, but who? No idea. Also. A challenging countryside to traverse. But no idea of why it was challenging. The feeling on waking leaves a butterfly flutter psyche of unease. Other past dreams have brought dread. Or glorious happiness. Which doesn’t last. The happiness is welcomed. But no smiling at why. Nothing there to wonder why the dread exists and PTSD is never an issue. Last night? The biological symptomatic response is an aching body, sweating on waking, a minor headache and left side sciatic nerve jangling twinge. Fogged brain and confusion. Temporary and always lost in the act of taking a shower. Water washes away the negatives and cleanses the troubled soul. It enhances the happiness positives because water also exhilarates.

Aphantasia leaves you powerless to seek the dream theme answers. They were felt within the actual dream time framework. On awakening they are but a ‘puff of smoke’. This morning I quickly wrote some of the odd thoughts below as to what Aphantasia can mean to myself. It is how I journal style at times.

Living in a world with no imagination.

Is like living in a world with nothing to talk about.

If’s….not What’s.

Last night’s dream was in Black and White.

This morning’s memory of it.

Zilch. Zero. Nada.

All past dreams experienced.

Gone in a simple blink of the eye

Upon Opening.

Whispery smoke swirls. Ethereal.

Grasping at a runaway Ephemeral.

Hiding within Slinky Shadows.

Search for the Black and White dream theme meaning

And the answers are internet spot on.

Each and Every one.

Mourning. Loneliness. Loss.

Distant, outside observer. Separate.

Giving up on life’s path.

Memory is based in the shade of known episodic events.

That existed…….yet only perhaps.

Never concrete. So possibly Never were.

The hoped for, wished for, life’s planned for.

Are from self written words on paper but

Visually inept.

Desires are based on tangible links.

Things to hold. To touch. To own.

Reality…..not Fantasy.

Dreams may be strong. Once Awake they flit.

Forever…. Gone.

To a Room that can’t be opened.

Subject known but with Nothing to own

To hang meat upon

The bones.

Life time with Aphantasia.

Lonely when it’s yours

To own.

14 thoughts on “Aphantasia and Dreams.”

    1. It was a Mindfulness session that myself and two nurse colleagues were presenting. I spoke out with relaxing voice the script re: closing eyes and imagine sitting next to a river, etc. Then I said, after the small session, that I actually see nothing behind my Mind’s Eye and asked if anyone was the same. No one was. A GP doctor, who I went on ward rounds with in the hospital, was in the attending learning group to the course. She highlighted that I may have Aphantasia and I hadn’t realised before that it was a ‘thing’. All my life it has been that I see nothing. I had an impact head injury as a very young child with subsequent concussion and believe that to be the cause. Fell heavily off a swing backwards on to concrete. It is gaining familiarity now and it’s interesting to read of others’ experiences. Thank you for the reply. If you look at internet guidance you will get more information to see if you yourself have similarities. I see complete darkness. Nothing at all materialises image wise. Thank you again. All the best.

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    1. I dream in colour too. It was just a random black and white dream last night that made me wonder about monochrome meaning. It then gave the blog idea re: forgetting dreams through no visual recall. You will find some interesting information I think. Lots of ‘Aaah! Now I understand’ . By the way. Four or five times in my whole life, when relaxed and eyes closed….but not dozing or asleep, I have had a strange phenomenon. Single random images of all types of subjects flash speedily in succession in my mind by the hundreds on hundreds. One after the other by the millisecond, over and over. It’s a massive emotional occurrence. Thank you for sharing.

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      1. Ah! And another here when you state, “strange phenomenon. Single random images of all types…” that occurs for me when I am in the deeply relaxed state of hypnosis. And I shared some of these in my book, Blue Eyes: Ethereal Messages of Connection. But your experiences when you receive hundreds, sure sounds like a DOWNLOAD. Wow!!

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      2. I’ve had the elongated episodes twice. Whether hundreds is absolutely correct or possibly linked to how it feels in that dozens upon dozens appear when happening. It feels like it lasts approximately around a minute. It is fascinating the amount of randomness involved. The other couple or three episodes have been a lot shorter. I suppose it does feel like a stored over decades of years images seen download. But so, so fast. The brain is an amazing piece of kit at times. I like the way you describe these as ‘ethereal messages’. All the best and thanks for sharing.

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      4. Those are great descriptives. The images witnessed are not recognised as previously ‘life’ seen or have been seen and not remembered or recognised. If seen, the possibly of off load? Neurological activity with sudden new, but short lived, pathway linkages? Who knows. Neurology was never a subject I looked at closely as a nurse. So very, very complicated. Cheers for these insights.

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      6. Thank you for your kindness too. Blog subject from now on? Possibly VeeDub Bus as a base and related in some descriptive holistic exercise. Would like to look at how being outside and looking at nature’s influences on certain themes like cooking, journalling, conversations, meditation, etc. is influenced by the VW Bus experience.

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      7. I love it! I bet a lot of folks in Dr. Bruce Lipton’s online community would read it. And Dr. Raymond Moody’s readers. And anyone who likes The Monroe Institute stuff (that’s where the ‘gubment’ haha does their remote viewing research studied). Oh, and anyone who loves The Why Files on YouTube. Personally, I am addicted to Hecklefish. LOL

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      8. When I thought of the VeeDub as central to a blog theme a few years ago, I imagined relaxing, sitting and chatting to people outside the Bus with regards to all subjects that promoted their well being. Even record some of the meetings. Activity that could say something positive. Building on the theme of storytelling. The vintage VeeDub is such an iconic presence, I have found over the years that it helps people to simply sit in comfort and chill out. I’d like to play some guitar again and sing along with other musicians. Also, be by myself and analyse on some subjects that materialise. Like wild food found, wildlife seen, a mysterious hidden story or historical tale from a place of local interest (Bedd Taliesin for example). Seek and report information learned from an intentional destination. These suggestions of yours are much appreciated. I’ll look into all of these. Not familiar with any, so this will be a nice adventure. Thanks for the guidance. All the best.

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  3. Love this! Dreams are slippery like the velvety darkness of night. The more we look closely, the less we see. But if we look askew, we catch a fleeting glimpse, so confoundingly mysterious and captivating!

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    1. Thank you for this. Wonderful explanatory words. Dreams have a ‘never experienced before’ quality at times. So imaginative thought is ever present… awake or asleep. I’ve dreamt about writing an amazing song, wake up and it immediately hides away in the shadows. The words and notes simply disappear. Very frustrating! Cheers and All the Best to you.

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