#Health Matters, #Retirement Projects, #Volkswagen Type 2 Crossover Bay Bus

Prudence. Dear Prudence has come out to play.

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Dear Prudence, on The Beatles’ White Album, was written after they spent time in Wales, followed by travelling to India, with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. They studied and experienced Transcendental Meditation practice. Prudence is the name of the sister of actress Mia Farrow. Prudence, at that time, became obsessed with the Transcendental philosophy and spent days in meditation to find answers. She still teaches meditation practice. John Lennon wrote the beautifully optimistic lyrics to say to her that ‘nature fixes’ also. Her intensity was profound and she isolated herself in meditative practice. So the song was a gentle message for to come out and socialise. ‘Come out to play’.

‘The sun is up, the sky is blue, it’s beautiful, and so are you’ etc..

Prudence? As a word? To me it means much needed optimism too. It has to be. Careful optimistic planning and awaiting great results. In reality, done because of the need to avoid costly emotional mistakes.

Why does this approach of thinking through have to be? Because Aphantasia affords me no memories. Nothing to bring back to mind, to reflect upon and ultimately provide a sense of ease. Familiarity of past similar events that show that all will be okay in the end. I don’t remember the times of feeling winnable situations. Or downbeat failures that provide anxieties. And so no lasting feelings of successes or failings through good or bad experiences.

However. Much of this last 2025 year, has been more closely remembered and therefore more tangible. Simply in understanding what has happened in reality. But again, no memories visually. Luckily.

I realise many events this year were pretty impactful negatively. I abhor my experiences of negativity and always try to stay positive. But self health issues, others’ health issues, VeeDub Bus issues, complicated technical learning and plans for music ambitions, and elusive dreams of seeking a much needed well being answer have all been impactful.

My Dad falling off an 8 feet wall onto a concrete pavement and myself having a possible brain arterial aneurism, luckily unfounded in the end, are two examples as to impact psychologically. Early January bouts of twice getting COVID like flu symptoms have been long in the system. They absolutely floored the body in reality. This kind of stuff does have an effect on mind games. And there has been so many mind games this particular year.

So in all this one thing after another, an underlying, deep rooted anxiety has once again reared its ugly head due to a self long standing recognised Summers’ constant fear. That being ‘Fear of the Unknown’. It can be simply a lighthearted fear, but at times, a more sinister one. And without any visual imagination existing, I tend to write everything down and make plans because nothing exists historically in my mind to pull up out of familiarity, bring past experiences into the open and subsequently bring answers to provide emotional and logical comfort.

Recent events can, and do dwell for a short period of time. But then disappear into the ether. For example. Late afternoon yesterday, I started up the VeeDub Bus to go fill her up with petrol. I have a broken petrol gauge and need to do fill up with petrol to calculate what my miles per gallon status is. I write down the clock mileage readings of where I have been. Hills or straight roads? VeeDub engine struggle or ease. Makes an impact on consumption. Especially with our local steep Welsh hills. All recent journeys of the 60 miles done since last fill up have been straight level road runs. No engine struggles.

After about five miles driving to the petrol station, the red generator light came on. I quickly pulled into the next available parking space. Luckily, very close by. An air cooled engine can overheat and be ruined after even a short period of minutes. A large easily accessible space exists near woods because many people go there to walk their dogs. I turned on the left indicator to pull in and park up and….nothing. No indicators. I parked, got out and checked the engine bay. No intense heat, no broken fan belt. All was okay. Checked oil level. Again okay. I went back into the Dub and switched on the ignition. The red generator light had gone off. Started her up and it stayed off. So all was ticking over nicely. But still no indicators.

I was around two to three miles from the petrol station and it took one left turn and then a straight run to get there, so carried on. Filling up took 22.32 litres of petrol. E5 petrol is used for my vintage 1972 engine because it is essential for keeping both the engine, fuel tank and fuel pipework safe and sound. Old car engines can corrode with the high water content in Ethanol additives. E10 petrol is a definite no. E5 petrol however is more expensive. Around 14 pence per litre. Sometimes more. Quickly working on the approximate 22 litres amount put in and my mileage since last fill up, I calculated, after working out litres to gallons, that I was getting about 12 miles per gallon. Shocking! My old carburettors got 20 miles per gallon. This one was brand new and supposedly all singing and dancing. The cost of it was eye watering too.

In the petrol station, I pulled into a safe space and then thought about getting home. Without indicators and fear of the generator light coming back on it felt stomach wrenching queasy. I turned on the headlights, got out and took a quick look. They were really dim, and one headlight wasn’t working. Only the sidelight bulb was working. I put the headlights to full beam and they both came on. VeeDub original stock headlights are notoriously dim, and a full beam doesn’t really affect drivers coming at you. So at least I could drive home with the headlights working.

But….it was going to be dusk very soon, so needed to get a move on. Winter here brings sunset around 16.00 hours and complete darkness at around 18.00 hours. It was after four in the afternoon, and no indicators in the dark was more problematic because I couldn’t wind down my window for hand signals. The windows in my VeeDub Bus are very dodgy anyway. The passenger window can’t be wound down at all. The drivers window creaks and groans when being wound down because water gets into the drivers door and soaks the cab floor in heavy rain. So that dampness in the door accumulates and affects the window winding machinations. Rust develops.

What happens in these problematic situations is a scrambling of confused thoughts. Trying to think of answers to VeeDub problematics found before. To make sense from out of foggy remembrances. And very many VeeDub problematics have existed over the years to be honest. But, the reality and answers to those memories simply don’t easily exist. My first thought yesterday was that I know the same situation has happened in the past, and I initially thought it was simply a blown fuse. I couldn’t quickly change a fuse because two days before all this, I saw the back floor of the Dub soaking wet. A 5 litre plastic water bottle in a cupboard, placed on top of the small plastic tool box, full of ‘Maybe items that will be future needed’ was leaking and had filled up the said toolbox, through its lid handles holes, with water. In there were little spares and essentials and, importantly, my mesh bag of dozens of spare fuses. So they were currently at home, next to the dehumidifier, drying out. Along with all the other ‘may be needed’ stuff. Headlight bulbs included.

None of this mattered because reality and logic said ‘For Heaven’s Sake Gray……Just get home!’. So I did. Safely too. On arrival on my driveway I looked more closely in the driver’s mirror and saw a very red Summers’ visage. My blood pressure, I realised, had been through the roof in all this experience. I suddenly felt sick. Woozy. Maybe from relief of getting back safely. Or simply from stress. I realised that an underlying anxiety of complete engine failure was possible. It happened before when the fan belt broke and the red generator light came on. Subsequently after that situation, my whole engine was ruined and had to be replaced. My anxiety mind becomes irrational and no logic exists in these times.

After getting home, and an hour of sitting and settling, I looked up the possible answers to the VeeDub problematics. The one 16 amp red fuse did indeed serve the indicators, the generator and also the fuel gauge. When filling up, the fuel gauge does show a half hearted attempt to move itself to a half a tank reading. But after a few days, it gets bored and settles back down to showing empty again. But a quick relook after this petrol tank fill up showed it down on empty. So, it was the fuse. I changed it and everything, the dashboard showed me, worked again.

Sorry for the long blog. If you got this far…..you deserve a medal. But typing it out makes for a much needed cathartic experience. I tend to type out these long, boring themes to get rid of anxieties. Rather like journal writing. And in a few weeks or months, this blog will be moved from ‘published’ status and back into the hidden from public view ‘draft’ status. Maybe even the ‘bin and delete’ status. The other day I completely went full on proactive and binned and then deleted about 150 past ‘put them back into draft status’ blogs. Gone for good are those written down memories now.

Why seek cathartic aims? Because it is unwise to exist in the negative. Positivity is always the way to go through life. Writing down one’s problematic experiences shreds and destroys their onus on ‘Fear of the Unknown’ mind affectations. Cathartic emotions can then amplify and bring relief to the living of life experiences.

All this reflection? This is why I wrote the lyrics to my Faded Walls song. They relate to the Summers’ mind. Basically. Trying to make sense of it all.

Faded Walls.

But of course. I still have to bite the Mind bullet again and travel in the VeeDub to a safe near by local spot. No travelling further distances. Cost of petrol or being stranded far from home in the wilds is always out there in possible reality land. However. Because the project of the filming of songs and conversations for YouTube uploads is essential for future well being the VeeDub has to be used. It is central to the project. At least the fuses are back on board……so fingers crossed.

And the Billie Cloud 9 VeeDub? Looking below…..butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth!

Billie (living in) Cloud 9 is definitely an appropriate name!

17 thoughts on “Prudence. Dear Prudence has come out to play.”

  1. My first reaction was Oh No! Then I thought of my son wanting a Combi. Ouch! It also brought back memories of my first car that Nan gave me when I was sixteen, a wee red Vee Dub. I was driving back from cricket practice and ran out of petrol. No problem just switch to the reserve tank, but there was, as this was empty too! I could name drop as a famous Aussie cricketer was in the car with me (he was seventeen at the time), but I won’t. Glad you came out mentally unscathed. If you get a chance check out Doug Parkinson singing Dear Prudence.
    Christmas Cheers & Frothies Gray. S

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    1. Cheers for the Doug Parkinson suggestion Shep. Listened to his original version, then a 40 years later live version. What a voice. Followed up with a deep dive life and death video. He never stopped did he. Constantly doing so many artistic themes from late 1960s to 2021. And singing so many music genres and his taking on of different roles in the music arena. His back catalogue must be immense. The life story video mentioned his links in cricket too. Made me smile after your story here. Cheers for mentioning him and so showing me who he was. I’ll dive deeper over the next weeks.

      The VeeDub has always been problematic. I wanted to keep it stock, so close to original. Vintage purity is difficult. But I love the basics involved. No surf board ownership ‘lowering’ or moving from the standard stock engine inclusions. I even bought an original oil bath air filter to use instead of the concertina type paper ones. That’s all out now with the arrival of the new carburettor.

      Seems silly on reflection when all those stresses were based on the simple change of a fuse. But when a similar ‘red warning light’ situation did result in a ruined engine, your brain scampers around in a whirling dervish way. Irrationally and fears chasing may be’s and what if’s. I used to do it after nurse shifts where I suddenly thought of a difficult procedure I had done over the day. A niggling unfounded worry would enter my head for no reason and immediately I would start to go over the episode. There was never anything to worry about, but the brain can’t stop that chase of ‘is/was everything performed and achieved okay’. But without the ability to bring the scenario to mind visually, any experienced event, recent or distant past, churns in to unreal thoughts. Chases down avenues that never existed. In my life? You tend to reflect and relate back experiences not really knowing if they are actually fully correct. Weird.

      I had a reserve tank on an old Triumph Herald back in the day. It never needed to be used though. I think it was a lever to get to a lower part of the main tank. I’ll have to look it up. I always worried about picking up debris from the tank bottom and mucking up the carburettor. Passengers? No Gary Sobers or Ian Botham in the passenger seat. Just a car full of mates as I was the first to pass the driving test. So got a bit of help with paying for petrol.

      Anyways. A Combi would be perfect. I know they are trouble at times, well many times actually, but the lifestyle benefits and vibes are glorious.

      Cheers back Shep. Ten days to go! Exciting. 😊🎄🥃

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  2. You kept us on edge, Gray…even though your words read somewhat calm and composed …which is worse i think lol …🤭 the suspense…
    Glad you made it back home safely…

    Writing it down…writing it away … writing to understand…lol i have many of these too … it helps to capture …or release a moment.

    Happy Holidays, Gray …🤍🙏

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    1. Sorry about the ‘edge’ feeling Destiny. Maybe I should start to try to write Thriller novels. 😊 You are spot on when you say getting back to home and relief. Hindsight and the simplicity of answers never really works when you still feel that it happened anyway. And with the problems still existing re: petrol gauge not working and not taking the VeeDub out since, means there may well be an unknown electrical fault that is causing the fuse to blow. Just going to forget things until the new year now.

      Happy Holidays to you too Destiny. 🙏🏽

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  3. I’m glad I got to read this about your Billie (living in) Cloud 9 adventure (or near misadventure), Gray, before you shelve the article. I totally get it about why you were anxious (I would be too, even without the past engine failure experience). But oh, what a joy you give us readers! Well, maybe joy isn’t quite the right word, but yes, for those of us who can relate, we now know we aren’t alone in our meandering thoughts when lights or other things go awry. I’m glad we don’t own a car anymore. Whew! And I do love a good journal entry (or post) to work out the mind tangles!

    I’m only sorry I didn’t read this sooner. I hope you and Angie did have a wonderful holiday. And goodness, stay well now, Gray!

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    1. I haven’t been out really in the VeeDub. Weather has been awful. Waiting for brighter days ahead. I feel that I need to start this project of video making. But can’t envisage a spot to go to presently. I want one place that simply feels perfect. That way it will be a constant spot to build confidence at. Begin to find a Mindful gentleness in the familiarity of rocking up in the VeeDub at the same place, setting up with more and more ease by simply recognising the repetition of what is required and just kick into building a professional looking video vibe.

      We came back from our holiday on Christmas Day Sheila. We cut the stay short. So only stayed two nights instead of seven. The cottage was freezing. We couldn’t get the thermostats on the electric heaters to change. No carpets other than the living room. Just huge rooms with wooden floorboards, a few rugs and gaps between the floorboards. Also, the ancient vibe really spooked Angie.

      It did have a very strong atmospheric weirdness. Sometimes you just tap into ancient ghost like vibes. I am one born of never feeling anything at all. But did get an unease at times. On getting back home, Angie’s sister and my daughter said that they did get a weird feeling when seeing the cottage rooms in a ‘Facebook FaceTime’ tour Angie showed them when we arrived. Of course they didn’t say anything at the time we were there so as not to spook us. Both of them are very down to earth and not ‘fanciful’ at all. So it was a confirmation as to why Angie was feeling that way about the cottage. 15th Century? That adds up to very many hundreds of years of past occupation doesn’t it! My maths are very poor, but isn’t that about a thousand years?

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      1. Ah, 15th century would put it in the 1400’s, so that would be 500-600 years ago (depending upon the year). I used to get confused when people would say we’re living in the 21st century, though the year was 20xx. So not quite a thousand years, Gray. Yes, the cottage may have been haunted. A good many old places are! There’s so much cellophane (a conglomeration of people’s Energies left behind especially when their emotions were high, such as when deaths occurred). My husband isn’t ‘fanciful’ either (love that word and am going to steal it from now on! Ha!) and he feels stuff. But he’s the one who taught me about the cellophane. He’s quite scientific minded for an artist musician. Rare combination! Yippee for me, eh?
        So, it doesn’t surprise me that Angie’s sister and your daughter also picked up on the ancient weirdness of the place via what you/Angie shared with them from your stay because of course, We Are All Connected, some more than others via the blood. You’re related and thus, what you were experiencing sort of “bled” over onto/into them. Make sense? It’s that whole Psi phenomenon that I’m writing about in my book. And that I’ve studied for years with IONS and other groups. Anyway…

        I hear you about the weather being awful. We are also very much looking forward to brighter days ahead. I find it amusing we’re talking about energetic spaces/places and you say you “want one place that simply feels perfect” to begin making your videos. When you find it, Gray, it will be a “constant spot to build confidence at.” That’s so true! The VeeDub at the same place will help build your YouTube channel reputation by the compelling repetition (building a look and feel) thus, I have no doubt it will offer a professional looking video vibe. Kudos! You definitely are a sensational creator! 

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      2. I worked the cottage age out Sheila. From the fourteen hundreds it would be over a thousand years old. From 1400 to 2025 is 1,100 years. That’s a lot of ghosts. Hope Richard is finding his new stringless guitar easier to play. Ghostly musical notes.

        Sounds like your book is a really deep dive. Your tenacity to this project is admirable. Not sure if you are typing or writing your found notes. But a fountain pen is the best way to get it all down without getting the problem of wrist ache. I found studying at university so much easier because of this choice of writing tool.

        It’s so wet here still. We drove through flooded areas on our journey back home. I’ve asked the postman for help regarding a decent spot to park up. His rounds are all over the countryside. He said that he would give me some ideas.

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  4. Oh, we are definitely counting the years different (2000-1400=600 in my view). But anyway, Gray, yes that would give us many ghosts for sure! Haha

    Richard sent that guitar back. The app he had to use to change settings for it would not work on an apple computer. Shame.

    I am typing my book manuscript into an app called, Scrivener. It has abilities to help one move around blocks of text and whole chapters. I could not do a book like this without it! It’s been such a tangle of information! Quite the journey too! Since no context on the original problem to solve. I do write other notes in journals and just finished one long hand with pen. It took several months to complete.

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    1. I do hate maths. I have no chance of ever understanding the concept. But, on actually thinking about it, you are totally correct. My mock ‘O level’ exam at school? I got 5%. My actual exam I passed with a grade 6. The lowest pass rate. Interestingly I watched The Life of Chuck recently and was blown away by the film. Mark Hamill’s speech about Math and its importance was a lovely bit of acting. His speech regarding maths holistic influences was profound. Reminded me of the Solfeggio tuning forks maths considerations.

      That’s sad about the guitar. Hopefully a new system will arrive on the market. Apple are now opening up a new ‘media studio’ and including Logic Pro in it. It may be worth Richard having a look. It starts this month and requires a monthly subscription. Not much money by all accounts.

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      1. Ah, indeed about the Mark Hamill speech. My daughter offered that 2500-1400=1,100 and thought that’s how you’d arrived at 1,100 years difference. My daughter and eldest granddaughter are sleuths at math. But we don’t always enjoy it, which has always confused me. How we can be good at something yet not really enjoy it?!? Ha!

        I will check out the new media studio thing, Gray. Thanks! I think Richard has simply given up ever trying to get his music out there. He’s 75 and feels unheard.

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      2. I Googled for an answer in the end Sheila. 626 years, as of February 2026, have passed since the year 1400. I have a thing with maths…..they don’t like me basically. Nor does language really. I cannot speak any foreign language at all. I simply cannot learn. Maybe it is the lack of ability to mind visualise that means I cannot complete the senses’ synergy need for learning. Who knows!

        Apple’s new ‘Studio’ media looks a really great programme. Despite Apple trying to corner the market, it is nice to have a collective that interlinks. I get fed up trying to make diverse media tools compatible. Richard may find that mucking about with art projects in this Apple arena could be fun.

        I can totally empathise regarding the ‘unheard’ part of his thinking. I have never got thousands on thousands of listens, reads, etc. Plodding along is my result in media land. Luckily, I just simply enjoy the journey of dabbling. Therapeutic purpose is my major aim in all these art or craft undertakings. The process of simply doing these journeys into script, music, poetry, prose, pottery, photography, etc. are gentle ‘settlers’ to a Mind’s chaos. They provide a focus. Gratefully received by myself. They also provide a familiarity that gives comfort. That’s all that matters really Sheila. Providing self comforts in realising their positives. Providing for others if they happenstance upon my results, find they like what they see or hear and reward me with a smile or a thank you.

        Cheers.

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