#meanderings, #prose

Life? Is Affirmation.

40 Comments
Photograph by Gray Summers. The Turbine blade keeps turning with even the gentlest of breeze.

Running? No.

Strolling. Yes.

Chattering? No.

Deliberating. Yes.

To others? No.

To one’s self. Yes.

Deceiving? No.

Receiving. Yes.

Self sympathy? No.

Self empathy. Yes.

Failing? No.

Succeeding. Yes.

Rejecting? No.

Accepting. Yes.

The question mark

Within thought

Seems most often included

When the answer is

No.

No question mark

But a nod of confirmation

Because the answer is

Already there

Involves

Yes.

Say it out loud.

YES!

All is ready then.

Yes.

Happier.

Yes!

Comfort inside exists

And is ready

To come out smiling.

So…..

As said

All is Ready.

Yes!

Then….

Begin to…..

Holistically envelop

This inner understanding.

You instinctively know

That already you are

Self Aware.

A powerful possession is

The actual realisation that

You have always picked up

And sorted through

The myriad pieces

Life brought along.

Tried them all out for size.

Over and over and over

And now they fit you

Personally.

With love and affection.

Probably had fitted

A while ago.

And

Very, very nicely too.

Still not yet necessarily reaching

Enlightenment.

No…just not yet.

But

Realising and understanding that

Self worth

Is self believing.

Life

Without the

Question marks?

Means……

Promoting.

Devoting.

Self Ownership.

Then to now.

There to here.

To accepting that

Positivity can continue.

Internally and externally.

Exist in contentment.

Life’s simply for living.

Belief in yourself is to

Believe in yourself.

Yes?

You build your own box of limitations. Turn swivel sideways and jump out. Photograph by Gray Summers.

40 thoughts on “Life? Is Affirmation.”

  1. what you wrote here has touched me deeply. many days I think about what it will be like to arrive at the place. it doesn’t seem like a specific point on the map, but kind of a place of self-awareness and self-acceptance. I find many days I am in a rush to get there, to where I have picked up and sorted through all of life’s pieces, already tried them on and know what fits me. I understand that it’s a journey and rushing isn’t going to get me to this place any faster. and yet it’s such a difficult one most days. it’s hard to believe in yourself and it’s easy not to and so I tell myself that the destination comes from things that are usually very hard to get through and do. life and the living. is this how I should think about my journey?

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    1. It’s nice you have gained some insights so far in your own journey cookie. A bit of insight, however small, gains credence through life as it builds on the already built.

      So cookie. Long answer here. I have no answers at all regarding my journey. Just, as said, insights. I wrote a blog a fair while back about always ‘life searching’ for inspirations, new ideas to pick up and then following these ventures. All the choices I thought would provide relief from frustrations and lead to satisfaction. When I started writing blogs it allowed answers to both the retrospective thoughts on past events and also the status of current undertakings. Blogging brings a great opportunity to find answers. So does writing things down privately, however random the words or imagery seem. Blogs? Writing down ideas and thoughts based as a reflection to one’s own reality. A word building characterisation of ever seeking for answers and providing explanations of what emotions are all about. It allows you to step outside yourself and write without limits. This brings no angst towards yourself. The little phrase of ‘I have this friend who is finding a problem in that……’ When you yourself are that friend. Words allow you to then become an onlooker. Maybe my lack of imagination visually means it has to be this way. To be presented in this written framework for myself to make sense of it all. That includes, in music, both self written tunes and the lyrics.

      Every ten years through life there were major intentional work related decisions to change direction. To then consider all the experiences that may be found after undertaking information learning within a career choice. Travel Agent (tolerated so as to allow a place in the premises basement to rehearse with the band), musician (The love of being a musician balancing with desire to seek fame and fortune!), potter (enhanced with poetry and stories because it wasn’t enough to simply handle clay), British Sign Language trained (support Deaf students in further and higher education which led to further self pursuit of interests within the educational arena presented), Staff Nurse training (with its philosophy of holistic health which encompassed huge areas of knowledge needed and looking at many therapeutic Complementary/Altenative based remedies. Not required in my job role!). Also trained as a teacher with teaching adult learners in college (Just to see what it was like in the role. Not through a yearning to become a teacher). Now retired and decorating, gardening, renovating, etc. Other interests of fountain pens, VeeDub Bus, clothes, blogging, writing, photography, aromatherapy, etc. Everything always involves study and learning. Dipping in to see what stuff is about. No true calling.

      What has been said, to many who perceive all this, is that I have many skills. What it tells myself is I could never find true contentment. And left many interests that were undertaken ‘behind’, with an understanding of only a few insights in each field. When I wrote this blog above a few weeks back, the doldrums existed regarding my brother, the drummer, who died at 21. On January 12th, 42 years ago. We cannot find a drummer presently, and I have been listening to his drumming through need to relearn songs for months now and therefore he is continually present virtually every day. I wondered, naturally, if he would still be drumming. He had nothing else professionally other than working in a clothes shop selling shirts and suits.

      My true life’s love regarding ‘career’, from every single interest undertaken, is as a musician. The very first career pursued. And I felt that rushing through to the next ‘thing’ was avoidance of being a serious musician. Psychologically damaged from both my brother dying and the music business itself. Arriving now, at soon to be 70 years old (in two and a half years from now), I thought it was time to stop all this searching and completely accept that life has been simply one of involving an act of ‘chasing after/down’ a plethora of other answers to look for inspirations.

      Life is interesting enough in the most basic of our surroundings. It doesn’t require a continual journey of ‘learning’. Busy, busy, busy. So I thought about enjoying life for the simplicity of just being alive. There is no one answer for each of us. I could never give anyone advice. I can’t even give myself advice. I was trained in nursing to allow the patient to get their answers through exchanged conversation. My insights given as simple knowledge regarding what I knew of certain health issues. Concordance or compliance could never be an answer to singular health matters. No one size fits all. Ongoing planning was generally found under discussion and witnessing the patient realising that what they knew inherently they could achieve. They were comfortable and confident with what was beneficial and realistic. Just realisation, when reflecting, that seeking for answers doesn’t always provide a complete one. And yet, levels of comfort from past learning was always there. As you said here above. You’ve tried out life so far, been there and got the T-shirt. Just finding an answer that brings a smile and some relief takes a little unlooked for prod. You yourself cookie always give thoughtful replies to blogs. Simply writing down your thoughts in the way you do shows positivity. Cheers and all the best.

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    1. Hi Sheila. Yes of course. Thank you. I’ve been reading your uploads and listening to the songs still. Will get back to normality of commenting properly on posts read soon. Yours are very interesting reads. All the best.

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      2. Your own insights too. When you carry on and build your blogs beyond the inherent limits of the lyrics/song meaning of Richard’s songwriting, yours too with your contributions to the songs, it shows you understand life experiences in your own unique ways too. Soul! Spot on. Thank you too Sheila.

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      3. Ah, yes, you get that too, Gray. My integration. I believe that’s my work, mission, avocation, or purpose. To listen and hear. To integrate what I hear and clear stuff from within me. Or just have fun with it. But more often than not I think I am healing when I sit with these songs my husband wrote. As well with prose such as what you have offered. Perhaps sitting with everything everyone offers, yet that would probably be overwhelming. Ha! Maybe that is the reason we only resonate with some (and not all)? Beautiful. Like music, you really dig deep.
        As always, it is lovely to exchange these things with you, Gray. Cheers!
        I sense you are getting a lot out of your February walks! Yay!

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      4. Not doing as much walking as would like Sheila. It has been pouring down with rain a lot. Or really overcast, dark and dismal. Will more than likely extend this idea of getting out there in the surrounding countryside into March and beyond anyways. More sunshine and good vibes. I had four or five years on the trot up here from 2009 to about 2015 where the VeeDub (bought in 2009) was regularly taken out, parked up somewhere quiet and then the surroundings were allowed to provide the magic. Renovation took a long time to get her back. Also, moving here in 1995 was an eye opener after the city hubbub. So it needs to get back to that situation of freedom outdoors, but without work getting in the way.

        And yes. There is so much in the blog contributors community to follow that you can be overwhelmed. It’s nice to have a circle of regulars with thoughtful exchanges. Noticed over the years blog friends do come and go too. Either stop their blogging. Or simply move on after months of exchanges. Also. These sites with thousands of followers must find it very difficult. Cheers.

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      5. Ah, good to hear more of the history (on the VeeDub and your move from the city), but sad to hear of continued rain. Yes, let’s hope March brings better weather for walking, Gray.
        I sooo hear you about keeping a close circle of blogging friends—perhaps friends in general. I often feel closer to the friends here and on Facebook I haven’t ever met. That probably makes sense from the fact that I think (ponder) stuff deeply.
        I don’t know either, how people correspond with thousands of followers (maybe they don’t).

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      6. The VeeDub was central to escape from the nurse role experience Sheila. Reading both work related or fictional books on the beach, taking the camera and walking around snapping images, etc. Then with the ability to put the kettle on and cook a simple meal. Sit and simply take in the outdoor opportunities. I remember times of falling asleep during an morning or afternoon inside the VeeDub from tiredness and waking up after a few hours to changes in the weather. Weird experience it can be too. From rain or sunshine to foggy, misty, hazy, snow in sunshine days outside the open sliding doors. The visitors to Wales spending days somewhere local and enjoying her as a place to sit and eat and drink. Or local friends meeting up and spending hours chatting whilst the opportunities to put together a beach, lakeside, riverside barbecue and play music were possible. That’s why the VeeDub was central to great vibes. It was central to the blog theme with the title. Nurse in a VeeDub bus.

        Bloggers are different agendas aren’t they? We both know the dynamics of their structures. There are a dozen and more specific patterns and presentations. I love the ones that show a passion in interests. Informative advice subjects? I find that I have to then research after reading. I wouldn’t trust the advice without literature links sources. Once a nurse, always a nurse. So I do read, but follow through if something of interest presents. Then the influencers? Not for myself I’m afraid. I can see their directional advice as a positive entity. But blogging is simply cathartic for presenting one’s own thoughts and little insights on life. Or music! 😊 Comments closed on sites is okay too. It’s vital to respect people wanting privacy from possible confrontation. Or they just proffer ideas and good vibes and leave it at that. All these blogging ideas and structures have one vital component. You can choose to follow or unfollow. There is no permanence. Pinterest send me subjects that are so diverse I wonder where they think ‘Gray, you have a good eye for……’ came from. It is as if my interests elsewhere are found through other platform ‘clicks’. Myself and Angie are consistently dumbfounded that after talking on a subject in the privacy of our living room, we then get adverts of the same subject appearing in our devices. Angie’s iPhone and iPad especially are worrisome. Spying? I only own a small cheap mobile to dial out for a few conversations a year or emergencies. This seems a long winded answer Sheila. But I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the impact of modern technologies nowadays. Both good and bad. Cheers and all the best.

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      7. It seems like the VeeDub experience of yours was so full, you could make a book, or screenplay for a movie of it, Gray. I nearly got a visual of sitting round a fire and having tea while conversing next to it from reading your opening paragraph here!
        As for the VeeDub being a way to take a break or have a nature refuge from the hectic pace of nursing, I can barely imagine (not having been a nurse myself). You make it relatable though.
        I also hear you about the iPhone and iPad ‘listening’ and believe they do (that’s how Siri works). Richard and I will go to one phone soon and it will be a flip phone or such only for calls too (probably this summer when our six-month current phone plan expires). I am tired of smart phones. I barely have any apps on my iPhone 7Plus anymore. Jetpack and banking mostly. We won’t need Uber or Lyft for rides either after we move. And AI scares us. Cheers, Gray!

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      8. Even driving to and from work in the VeeDub was a gentle intervention. So it was invaluable. Phones? We have very thick stone walls with our house, so signals inside aren’t picked up well. The rural aspect also means slow internet speed. I have to wait for some blogs to produce the photograph images inclusions for a few minutes before they ‘arrive’. So I use a landline only for calling out. But technology like Alexa et. al is a bit weird! Best avoided. I suppose my love of vintage is why I feel settled. 😊

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      9. A gentle intervention. Wonderful way to say that, Gray. Oh! A landline phone! I had almost forgotten about those! We last had one when we owned a house in 2010!
        I hear you about your love of vintage things and so, yes, this makes a lot of sense. I can’t imagine your slow internet. Wait. Yes! When we were Off Grid we dealt with that for awhile (and the ‘no signal’ on our phones under a metal roof. You just made me appreciate our current apartment more!

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      10. I believe they are soon to be phasing out landline phones over here in the UK. I may need to get a mobile with a decent reception. The internet speeds are shown in settings on the iPad. It continually states ‘weak’. Photographs and images with high quality? Takes minutes to appear on my screen. I read the words between images at times and get to the point where I have to come out of the blog. Internet speed isn’t too bad once in. My recent holiday break had internet in the high hills and yet it was so different. Fast and more relaxing. We have a huge Forest Hill at the back of the house. I remember the guy from Sky came decades ago to put a satellite dish up. He said he couldn’t because there was no signal to link to. So hence my thoughts recently on our local connectivity, what we pay out monthly for the ‘weak’ service and alternative technology. Cheers Sheila.

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      11. Yes, exactly, Gray, about trees and satellite reception. We spent about $800 when we first moved to the Off Grid wooded property on a satellite internet service only to find it didn’t work for us. I actually had it installed prior to our move there, and my son had used it for a few weeks without any issues. But for me, and at the time, I had to VPN for my government job from home, it was too slow for it to make the electronic handshake and connect. Ugh!
        I had to connect to my VPN using my iPhone hotspot, then change from phone to satellite to be able to work all day. And any glitch in the service and I had to do that process again. I remember being frustrated with that. We then tried a mobile internet service MiFi that came with its own phone sized gadget and that worked pretty good til we moved.
        I totally hear you about image size and quality making a difference in download time/speed.

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      13. Same here. We live outside of town now, and will be moving to another small town this summer. I worked in big cities a few times and still prefer the small town life. I grew up in a rural area and we had a 17 acre farm. I loved having horses and outdoor pets who had plenty of space to roam.

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      14. Ideal life is to be found in the rural base Sheila. However, here? The constant rain is flooding the local area in minimal, but still impactful, ways. No huge bank bursting dramas. But collecting in huge amounts in spaces like fields and road dips. The dismal nature outside has been months on months now.

        An observation. I am currently overwhelmed with the amount of blogs coming into my Reader part of the app. Hundreds. So much to scroll down to catch favourite sites. I know I can select individuals if needed. But even that can while away an hour of reading with just one fave blogger. I focus on blogs more than my own thoughts re: writing with pen and paper for pleasure. Reading books. Listening to music. I pick up the Bass less now in the day too. I have learnt the songs I need to. And am currently a bit uninspired to find new melodies to write. So I thought TV……

        I found myself looking on Prime TV to alter dynamics of the day last week and found ‘Elementary’. A modern twist on Sherlock Holmes and Watson. I am hooked. And the amount of series and episodes! So many. So apologies for missing some of your uploads. I have withdrawn into a space where this love of Sherlock and Watson over decades familiarity provides comfort. I found Conan Doyle back when a teenager.

        Just read your Meditation upload and the whole hole bubble description of Yin Yang. Really insightful read Sheila. Inspirational. I immediately chanted the full Medicine Buddha Mantra and realised I hadn’t chanted it for a very, very long time. I have chanted said full Medicine Mantra a fair few thousand times over the years. This morning I forgot the words!! Brain fog never impacted after Covid. But there are many areas of self impact I am beginning to consider have symptomatically affected my biological, psychological nature. Realisation dawns that neurologically there are definitely changes I experience. Not nice! So the Medicine Buddha Mantra re: ‘pain’ is going to be sung a few times over the day. 😊 Weird world we live in presently. Cheers Sheila.

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      15. Ah, great offerings here, Gray. Thank you! We will check out ‘Elementary’ and the Medicine Buddha Mantra 🕉. Beautiful!
        Yes, about the neuro stuff, I tell Richard everyday that our body’s age whilst we are working to improve it (we do somatic exercises for him since his stroke to improve his cognition).
        And no worries at all on if/when you can check out my posts. I understand. I skim many posts but read only a few (yours and about five others), word for word.
        Being retired I still find myself very busy. Haha!
        Love that you have learned all your bass lines! Bravo!

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  4. Yes it is….this was read through at a wee bit of a fast pace… somehow your structure called for that…then again slow….it’s simply wow….a much needed read,.Gray.
    Thank you for sharing this 🙏

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    1. I read it very quickly too after writing it and it didn’t connect. So, as you say, I then read it with emphasis to make sure it gelled….and it made sense. I tend to read other bloggers poetry and prose slowly and accompanied with my voice. It helps me get the whole vibe then. Half way across the World your poems are being voiced to the Welsh atmosphere. 😊 Cheers Destiny and 🙏🏽 too.

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      1. ah…same process…works great too lol.
        as to us each our own interpretations sometimes of others thoughts….this one a thought provoking and lovely one.

        My poems and I say thank you kindly, Gray 😁🙏

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      4. It’s okay. I sing very quietly/lightly when writing a song. It’s ‘testing the waters’ in reality. If it works quietly, then it’s a good starter for feeling it worthwhile to go ahead and improve. Same with poems I suppose. 🙏🏽

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      5. true…works well with the poems for me too. lol though getting stuck a bit recently.
        I like this format of yours…just free flowing as the thoughts come and so much more sincere if that makes sense lol….

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      6. This one? It’s basically writing down opposites, then providing a rationale as to why. Soul searching for answers to what life gives. Song lyrics are more general observations or stories in the way I approach them. Your poetry results are a very difficult and challenging medium to succeed in. I am in admiration at your successes given the various structures required. Well done Destiny.

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      7. soul searching…that’s how it read to me too.
        the fascination with forms wears thin sometimes lol….just thoughts to flow unedited sometimes 😬

        Appreciated, Gray 🙏

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      11. ah…I need to retire too lol…need that time as a friend too 😂 keep chasing it … though I suspect I’m reaching there if I can’t seem to catch it…😁

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      12. It is quite a nice situation finding space aplenty for the oncoming day. Reaching there is certainly a good positive. Grasping at straws is luckily not your status. Look after yourself. All the best Destiny.

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    1. You got me thinking with this observation Steven. My life had two distinct areas in career choices. Working with lots of people in hospitals, social services, universities, colleges, etc. Then there was the arts’ scenarios. Potter, photographer, musician, blogger. You are spot on regarding those quiet times when I consider the comparisons between the impacts from the two. The former was very much constant hubbub and busy, busy on a daily basis over many years. The arts’ scenario…Far more relaxing and gentle. And so much time spent quietly alone. Thanks for your thoughts. All the best.

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